"Rumors"
Written by Edward Jerlin
© 2008 Everlasting Arms Records & Publishing - All Rights Reserved
"Rumors" was written this past Spring as a gift for my
daughter Megan, who was graduating from junior high school...
Megan & I were in the car one Saturday morning, listening to the Jonas Brothers at her request. I was trying to connect with her, trying to understand her. (I didn't understand junior high girls when I was in junior high & I still don't!!) I couldn't help imitating & spoofing on "Joe Jonas", making her laugh with a silly verse or two...
Fast-forward a few months...
I'm generally a very poor lyricist. But a few days before Megan's graduation, I was on my way to work, thinking about her & her prom & about the young woman of God she's blooming & maturing into before my eyes & how proud I am of her accomplishments the past few years...
And as I looked back upon some of the things she's gone through -- not all of which was fun for her -- the funny "Joe Jonas Spoof" song came to mind. I remembered the 1st verse & chuckled to myself... and for some reason, the lyrics for this song just flowed & flowed & flowed all at once, on the way to work, in the car, on the train, while at work, during lunch... I couldn't write it down fast enough to keep up with my brain. This had never happened to me before with lyrics! I actually wanted some red traffic lights so I could scribble some of the ideas down on the edge of the newspaper before I forgot them! This was a totally new experience for me, which left me kind of flabbergasted...
I was originally trying to be scathing & cutting & super-sarcastic...
Spoofing & wailing on all things Jonas & Disney Channel & Junior High...
Yet somehow it ended up being...
kind of serious...
maybe even a little insightful & poignant even, if I dare say so.
I was trying to capture the "Junior High" experience:
The "attitude".
Trying to fit in, while maintaining one's individuality.
Trying to be noticed while trying to go unnoticed.
The cliques.
Who's in, who's out...
and how that can change on a dime.
The insecurity...
The masks that are donned...
Wanting to belong to & be identified with something bigger than one's self...
While Megan's experiences (& Joe Jonas) ;-) were the initial inspiration, the song isn't just about her, but also about some of her friends, her school, & perhaps some of those experiences that I think we all go through to some degree, even into adulthood, if we're honest with ourselves.
Ultimately, it's meant to be *empathetic* & *encouraging*, though many of the silly & sarcastic spoof elements remain. And even though most of the song details the "angst" of the early teen years, as I thought about how to wrap the song up, I thought upon Psalm 139 & I thought to myself,
"What a shame that we humans put ourselves through this ridiculous rite of passage. If only we would simply realize that God made us who we are, & that He already has a plan for us, we could step out in confidence & be ourselves instead of putting on these silly self-destructive masks because we're so concerned about what everyone else thinks of us."
. . . . . .
As for the musical aspect of this piece, it certainly has broken a number of paradigms for me:
- It was written mostly in my head, in the car & to/from work,
away from any musical instruments.
- Though I'm primarily a keyboardist, in my head, I heard a
mostly guitar-driven arrangement to cynically bring across the
"pseudo-angst-ridden" vibe...
- At every point in the recording process, I had to resist
the urge to "prog" it up & add layers of keyboards or fancy
drum parts or harmonies & remain within the confines of a pop
song that hopefully conveys the vibe semi-authentically --
or as "authentic" as 40+ year-old father can make it... ;-)
- As I recorded this, I had to purposefully strip down
any layers I'd added along the way at a number of points
in the song when it returned to the next verse. I was
surprised at how effective this was when I sat back &
listened. It goes against all my "prog" tendencies...
Perhaps I've learned something... ;-)
- Even through 11+ verses, I still did manage to subtly
vary the chord structure & rhythmic elements in some way
underneath each verse to keep it sonically interesting (to
my ears). And I still did manage to include a prog-rockin'
7/8 bridge with a ripping Hammond organ solo under it --
I am still being me, after all -- which is kind of the
point of the song, eh? ;-)
and that's the only audience that matters this time. :-)
I'm young and mad and disaffected
I'm not what your mother expected
I have an attitude
I'm different, JUST LIKE YOU
I don't know who I am, or where I'm going...
My room's a mess, but you'll never know it
Sometimes I'm scared, but I'll never show it
I'm pressing on ahead
But I won't make my bed
And I don't know who I am, or where I'm going...
Some days I'm not sure if I'll make it
Sometimes I'm nervous; it's time to fake it
I'm just a teddy bear
Pretending not to care
I don't know who I am, or where I'm going...
My lies are true from my perspective
Say what it takes to be accepted
I have no use for school
Just trying to be cool
I don't know who I am, or where I'm going...
They think they're cool, but they're all phony
They have no real friends; they're lonely
My enemies are fools
Their lives are social rules
But they all seem to know where they are going...
|
I'm trying to fit in I'M TRYING TO STAND OUT Please no one notice me PLEASE SOMEONE NOTICE ME |
(who's up, (who's out, (who's cool, (who's wrong, |
who's down, who's in, who's not, who's right, |
who wears who lose, who's cold, who's dark, |
the crown) who win) who's hot) who's light) |
You don't know what it's like to be me
I don't know what it's like to be free
Please won't you let me be
Won't you let me be me
Though I don't know who I am, or where I'm going...
My attitude's an affectation
I'm trying to cause a sensation
It's all about the hair
And everything I wear
But I don't know who I am, or where I'm going...
I think I'll go sit in a corner
Hope no one sees that I'm a loner
Some days I want to hide
Can't show them what's inside
'Cause I don't know who I am, or where I'm going...
Life moves so fast; I can't stop running
I have no clue what I'm becoming
I'll reinvent myself
New person off the shelf
'Cause I don't know who I am, or where I'm going...
Some day I'll look back with reflection
But right now I'm flying with no direction
I wanna break the rules
Do what I want to do
But I don't know who I am, or where I'm going...
|
I'm trying to fit in I'M TRYING TO STAND OUT Please no one notice me PLEASE SOMEONE NOTICE ME |
(who's up, (who's out, (who's cool, (who's wrong, |
who's down, who's in, who's not, who's right, |
who wears who lose, who's cold, who's dark, |
the crown) who win) who's hot) who's light) |
Leave me alone, that's all I ask now
And don't ask me why I wear this mask now
I only get one chance
To join in, in the dance*
Energetic and artistic
Engage, but don't dare risk it
And I can't make up my mind
How I should be defined
Or with whom I'll be aligned
LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME!!
Accepted or declined
Separate or be combined
Don't change or be refined
IRON SHARPENS IRON!!
Opt out or be assigned
Work hard or be reclined
Keep up, or fall behind
FAILURE'S NOT AN OPTION!!
Though I may be maligned
Someday they're gonna find
That they were always blind
to who I am, and where I'm going...
I cannot be confined
Leave my old life behind
Do what I was designed
to do here in this world we live in...
And I'll pass the final exam
'cause God made me who I am
Someday I'll get to where I'm going
"O LORD, You have searched me and known me! For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret and skillfully formed in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my embryo; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them." -Psalm 139:1,13-16
(*Special thanks to Mark Polak for "Join in the dance")
And to Megan for a few lyrical edits. :-)
. . . . . .
MJ with "Best Dad Hands Down" (Megan insisted I write that)
in front of the Jonas Brothers tour bus before their Madison Square Garden gig:
The concert was a graduation present for making the
"Permanent Honor Roll" -- a 90+ average every semester.
(For the record, I do think that the Jonas Brothers are a very talented group of
boys (Nick in particular), with a few very clever songs, & a boatload of potential.)
Megan,
The title of the song will remain our little private joke.
I'm very much looking forward to being your Dad the
next four years & beyond, God willing.
Congratulations on who you are & who you're becoming! :-)
All my Love,
Daddy
Thank you & God bless!
To download the music, RIGHT CLICK and choose "Save Target As":
"Rumors" MUSIC 6:20
To download the lyrics, RIGHT CLICK: and choose "Save Target As":
"Rumors" LYRICS
